Saturday, December 3, 2011


.i see you with black feathers too.

.eyes closed. eyes open.
i feel the waves in me when you're breathing
subtle movements in tangled raw silk
fall from the sky, before you wake up
hold fast my last dream, lest it break up
hand closes around ray of sun
not before it blinded me and opened my eyes
might forgotten lives be recalled?
could it be my soul they enfold
those velvet wings that your fingers withhold
you've been my shadow before
you've swallowed me whole before
you've slipped away outside this mirror before
and let it spill out of these crevices in my heart
stretch out your arms
and their black cloud extensions will bring it all back
come, bring it with you to the shore
my love, we aren't lost anymore.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

.take me home, lightstring.

.but they all turned into black glass beads.

i cant say i dont know
i wont say i do
we bring this night only one star with you
can you see it
will you take it
will you take us and drown
big fish in small pond
little fish in smaller cloud
take them with you when you go out
wait, i'll make them so proud
am i forgetting something
am i wishing out loud
are we there yet
is it fair yet
it's still something you can't covet

so no one told you
no, let me hold you
warm up, won't you
i am so very cold
this is getting old
too much too soon
so many stars too many
string of lights unwind me
like deltas in the sky
but only one little raft
littler journeys
much more anticipation
are we there yet
do you care yet
ember, when we've only just met

meander meander
when we're lost we'll surrender
this has been worth anything that i'll miss later
but not for you
you're lighting up promises now, too
take them with you when you burn out
secret weapons are finally about
ember, i don't know why we can't shout
so there's pretence and hope
wait, you said it out loud
but what about me
garnets will cry as embers turn onyx
are you there yet
do you care yet
do you care anymore.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


.the one with a thousand names.

.she stands on a balcony. in a tower of a castle on a cliff.
.she watches the summer pass the ocean by, and sings to the setting sun...

.this was doomed from the start. every little russet brick. built to end and take us with it. all because i can't talk and you can't live two lives apart. lulling me deeper into this sleep, you're waking yourself up. i can feel it. and my letters won't reach you. when i don't send them. because it wouldn't make a difference. they were written to end from the start.

i want you to give me a flower. so i can burn it and watch the flames sear it. every little russet petal. like i watch you sear my heart every second you're not my version of you. in silence. 'cause i won't stop you. i won't tell you anything. do what you want, and i'll listen. it'll be alright, after all. i would never have changed a thing. not even if i could.

free, with a letter. restless bird. unless you tie me down. trapped. and it's starting again. like before. retrace the text. what happens next. not again...
.i forgot.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

.hello emptiness.

.this summer will be cold in memories.

.staring into the wind
the girl stands
with a spark at her mouth
spinning smoke
spinning windswept clouds
she knows you're coming
she hears your voices
lingering in the crevices of her mind
a writhing, wavering little thing
drawn always to you
she needs you to complete
the spaces she's blocked out
from a world that's locked her out
she brings it upon herself
he kisses her goodbye
every time
she smiles

wait for him to leave
she already knows
catch the door he swung back to close
you need no invitation
lurking has always been your approach
the floor makes footstep-sounds
creep up behind her
butterfly kisses against her shoulder
her head reclines
sadism plays on the curl of your lips
she smiles

you've got me to yourself now
you say
she watches the spark at your mouth glow
in the dimness, you have ember eyes
spinning smoke
in reverse
spinning her life open backwards
sit beside her on the dusty steps
in the muted storm
in her empty front porch
this summer's gonna be cold in memories
post-rain evenings, dirty roads
dust storms and dust bunnies
cars rushing by
empty houses
she smiles

dusty porch-steps, lonely streetlight
windswept trees
he was here just last night
no moon
no witnesses
no wonder she's in distress
you lull her into slumber
your twisted work of art
forever wakeful, unfinished
you'll lose her to him soon
but not forever
she'll give herself over to you
another summer
she smiles.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


.part of me has waited to be in love with you for a very long time.

.die tiefe ihres herzens
du bringst es in ihr heraus
sie ist so ruhig
sie ist so traurig
aber sie hat dich doch
lösch' die kerze aus

leichte schritte auf dem sand
es war so einfach, als sie nicht verstand
die wellen kommen nah
gib ihnen die schritte
augen die immer ins leere wegschauen
doch kalt in deiner, bleibt die hand

die seele ruft zu dir
doch ihre lippen sind still
je mehr du ihr herz zu dir hin ziehst
um so mehr zieht sie zürück
sie will nicht dass du ihre träume erfüllst
zerstör sie nur
ihre stimme schreit, aber in den wolken
hör sie nur

schwarze flügel werfen runter
in deinen armen liegt sie nun
ihre träne auf deiner schulter
sie liebt dich so sehr
umarmt von deiner seele
es ist zu viel
öffne die augen und
schau sie nicht an
bring die ungeöffneten träume mit an die küste ran
wir gehen unter.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

.high on cough syrup. phase two.

.the streak of color.

.he left scarlet blossoms for the bruised statue
this winter has waited too long to touch you
she'll vent hypocrisy, see how much you
let the summer burn her sorrow

a whirlwind of fate-set-in-motion stored inside a jar
and if we blur lust and emotion, that's just who we are
the darkness of a street engulfing two shadows in a car
I don't learn from mistakes, my love, mislead me and I'll follow

chain reactions are with the aftermath, I should've let you see
must it always be persistence against volatility
I am not the child I want you to perceive
an incomplete truth doesn't mean it's all for show.

that star looks lonely, coiled up in clouds, let's go for a swim
self-destructive tendencies aren't just another whim
yes, it's all planned, but I wonder which way captivates him
I'll spend a lifetime making it up to you. are. you. listening?

and I know this could be the one that destroys me
my heart throbs with anticipation, bittersweet sorrow
there's only so much of your color I can borrow
I'm dissolving
.are you waking up?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

.high on cough syrup. phase one.

.i know this could be the one that destroys me.

.shadows sift in moonlit darkness with no air
curtains billow above, in a day, they'll be threadbare
I'll go out, but suffocation will follow me everywhere
and he, of all the facades for this heart, will seem hollow

a something that remains elusive and its place is empty
know it's missing. but it was yours. and know it always will be
everything begins and ends with your voice saying pretty
every pair of syllables deepens that I'm shallow

awakened in a cold sweat, burning a nonexistent fever away
no recollection of either reality, 'cause time is at fray
artificial lights on stone turned un-stone. everything's gray
but one shocking streak of life painted across a nothing

scrape myself off the floor and think about ending this non-life for the hundredth time, once more
I need to exist, if only in this one moment for you. not afterward and not before
warmth snapping at its heels is no more than porcelain should endure
a streak of red against a gray-scale spiral, and I'm falling.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

.i can't help you.

.little butterfly, what do you know of love?
the dark lace of your wings can't compare to the blackness of our hearts
You flit away from the eyelid as it opens
much like the dream that flickers beneath it, soon as you leave
You fly onto the palm that can crush you if it wishes
you fly away before it does
What do you want?

little butterfly, do you feel pain?
watching us revel in the acid rain that chokes you
But our pain is so much more intricate, we'll say
Yet I wonder
What makes your life pale so in significance
compared to one of ours?
Why not drain this world dry of its nectar for our material claims to emotions
and leave for you only that of our industries?
What do we want?

little butterfly, do you have emotions?
or are the patterns your dance creates just escape routes?
Do you know you're doomed, if you don't give in to our blood-lust?
When you hover around me, are you asking for help?
Maybe you could salvage a little shard of this
and keep it, it's what you're a part of

Then again
What do you know of love?.

.give me a name.make me real.

.Eyes that know my soul to its very core
but don't know it yet
They look too deep into it all and lose perspective
make everything beautiful in their own way
What they don't see

Lips that frame words not meant to be understood
because they're not for you
Words that build castles in the air
and tear them down because they're too real

And I watch helplessly as the weather changes
I'll make sense of it all, but only just
I paint you a sky, you'll leave it untouched
Your world is not for me

You may think I'm easily read
but you speak a different dialect
And you could write a thousand songs
to me they will be silent

A mind that knows I'll listen
but always tries to make me talk
All the right words, are the wrong words
I've said too much

A voice that whispers dreams into my ear forever
I hang upon its every word
So long as it's there, I won't have to wake up
I know when I do, I won't remember

Decipher the universe for me, feed this world I made up
Compare me to sunshine, draw me clouds of cosmic dust
Make me surrender, then tell me I've won
Play with foundations of trust

And I may think the world of you
but the world, it crumbles around us
The bridges that you build for me will burn before they've bound us

We'll stand on opposite edges of this realm and reflect
What will it be?
A soul tethered to the ground by a cloud
calls out to its pieces within me

The sun rises within your eyes and melts the static hush
Fire changes the world for us from black and white
Look for me in your dreams and ask yourself if I'm real, once you're awake
One of us will know how to complicate
Hypothetical is all we ever were, and I can't tell if you see the irony
I help keep things real for you, my escape from reality.

.Reunions and Cataclysmic weather.

.this world of ours has fallen apart
we live in the ruins held tightly to our hearts
what do we miss most?
nothing seems to have changed
we pursue the destinies the wrong turns we took led us to
the chances of way back then, caged

can't we live in the past?
i know that boy's grown up now
that girl is not the same
and another heart's been wound into this
but we still have the stories
and four lives isn't that long ago, is it?

those silly games we played
they'll be replaced by wars
whose side am i taking?
i don't want to hurt you
but i can't hurt them
hearts are not mine for the breaking

the dreams i turned to
they couldn't tell me what i had to see
i failed to realize that wishful thinking
wouldn't bring you back to me
the words in the night sky
fade away just like you did
we should've seen it coming
we wanted what they all forbid

can't we hope for a future?
i know it seems so pointless
what with our little constricting world
standing so still
and the rifts in our trust endless

the friends we once had
are now a distant dream, a lie
a disappointment that has left me numb
and devoid me of the will to try
but we still have the stories
and looking back in a while
four lives will be long ago, won't it?.

.flickers through city lights.

.memories of you come like stabs of pain
ebb and flow
fireworks in the night sky don't mean what they used to
they startle me

what about you? Are you hurting?
every time I think about how I'm over you
twenty-four hours later, I find myself wanting to cry
not like I cry for you, not that I want you back
just that every time I look to that place in my heart
the one that was taken by you
all I find is emptiness
and I want something back

what if I had answered that one letter differently?
I turn around and a spark of light catches my eye
caught by something that was once part of you
and once belonged to me
now it lies, collecting dust
i'll keep it with me tomorrow
i'll keep it under my pillow
you know I won't

I see a silhouette
leaning against a wall, his arm outstretched
he's wearing a navy blue hoodie, sleeves rolled up to the elbows
strong, tan arm, the silver kara, a red thread around the wrist...
Images. flashes of a similar arm
around me
turn away now. don't look. don't think. ugh, this sucks
slide shows with a dark-set background play in fast forward
every time something related to you invades my mind
all I need is a replacement for that space of yours. something that is hard to find

this doesn't feel like a me who was ever someone's lover
but I see flickers of the times I was
and I look into me to salvage that piece of me again
do we wish to know what we left behind?
the phrase "you complete me" comes to mind
but you never did
isn't that why we left?

and yet again, I reconfirm my theory
even though it was just to try and prove it wrong
memories. stabs of pain.
ebb and flow. I have to let go
but of what?.